Q: You've often said that parents should not be "involved" with their children, but rather should establish a clear boundary in the parent-child relationship. I agree in principle, but as a homeschooling mom, I have no choice but to be highly involved with my kids. Can you help me resolve this conflict?
A: In relationships, boundaries are essential to respect. One of the stumbling blocks in contemporary parenting culture is the general lack of a clear boundary between parent and child. The symptoms include the so-called "family bed," married couples who are more involved with their children than they are with one another (in terms of attention paid to, time spent with, interest shown in, and so on), and families that are organized around children's activities. The underlying problem is that today's parents are more concerned about being liked than respected by their kids.
This modern social fashion is by no means confined to the parent-child relationship. The need to be liked by children has infected the teaching profession (in some school systems, for example, students actually rate teachers on "likeability"), and manifests itself more generally in such imprudent things as adults wanting children - even very young children - to call them by their first names.
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DISCUSSION with VeeVeca:
Like vs. Respect. The writer of the article said, "The underlying problem is that today's parents are more concerned about being liked than respected by their kids." Is it possible to have both? Or am I just fooling myself?
For me, I do care if the children like me. However, I won't go out of my way to be liked. Meaning, if I have to discipline roughly I will because I am responsible for their lives. And because I am fully founded in the stand that kids belong to God first and then to parents second, they must adhere to the rules of the parent (who hopefully is listening to God). There is a thin line of befriending your children. Respect absolutely must be expected. But respect goes both ways-- from parents to kids, from kids to parents... ultimately all to God.
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